*pregnancy mentioned*

I’ve been back from vacation for two weeks now, it was a much needed trip but also a little bitter sweet. I mentioned in my last post how when we were on vacation last year I had a miscarriage. I’d been burying those memories deep down as the trip grew closer because I wasn’t sure how I would feel. Ya know everything was ok, it crossed my thoughts a few times but I didn’t let it get me down or ruin any of my time away. The whole point of this trip was to relax and have an amazing time together which is exactly what we did.

I was supposed to start my cycle during our week away and I was praying it would show up towards the later part of the week because I really wanted to do another round of IUI this month since we took a break from it all last month. My app told me my cd1 should have started on that Monday. Well Mon, Tues and Wed came and went with no period. When I was packing my suitcase for this trip I just happened to throw a pregnancy test into my bag because seriously who doesn’t pack pregnancy tests with them on vacation!! By the time Thurs morning rolled around I talked myself into taking the test and what did I see…a freaking positive staring back at me! No shots, no specimen cups, no procedures, no crazy hormones just us being us making a baby. What a very surreal moment and it’s been 11 days and I still feel the same. I had my first beta check last Monday and my number came back at 303 which confirms yes I am pregnant. I had another test 48 hours later and the number doubled to 657. The dr wanted me to get checked one more time so I went in early yesterday morning and the dr called me last night with what he called a perfect number of 2,544. I have an ultra sound scheduled for this Fri and he said we could potentially see a heartbeat. Never have we made it to the point where we’ve been able to see a heartbeat so that’s just one of the things I’m nervous about. We’ve been at this for 4 years and I’m going to selfishly say I need this so desperately. Everyone at the clinic keeps telling me to be positive but it’s hard when you’ve been through all that we’ve had. I’m probably going to kick myself for saying this but I wish I felt more pregnant as reassurance. Besides sore boobs I feel totally normal. I had bloating for a week and in the last 3 days that has gone away. Otherwise I’m not sick and I don’t take any extra trips to the bathroom. So I guess I’ll just keep poking my boobs to make sure they continue being sore until the other symptoms make their debut. I keep telling John I need to take this one day at a time so here’s to hopeful thoughts and making it through the next few days without driving myself or him crazy.