5 years, 5 losses and 5 surgeries that’s where we’re at to date.

I went in on Monday for my d&c. This is the second one I’ve had so I knew what to expect this time, not that it made it any easier because it certainly didn’t. The nurses were absolutely amazing at the surgery center and I couldn’t possibly show them enough appreciation for helping me get through the day. I didn’t experience any physical pain but the heartache that continues to grow within me is so strong I just don’t know how to deal with it. I went back to work yesterday and I really struggled, I hadn’t been to work in a week and people wanted to catch up…tell me about their weekends, the new car they bought, their kids hockey practice. I had such a hard time being fake happy. I didn’t want to hear any of their stories I wanted to sit at my desk with with my own thoughts and be alone.

I go in on Tues to meet with my dr for my post-op. I did ask him before surgery how long I would have to wait until we could start trying again. He said for the first month we can try on our own with no meds and if we aren’t successful during that month then I can go back on the meds. I think my emotional healing is going to take longer than that so I don’t think I’m going to set a timeline because I just need to keep taking things one day at a time. I’m going to try to focus on tackling the little obstacles in my life right now like making it through a workday without wanting to punch someone, or not immediately climbing into bed when I get home. We’ve been through this before so I know that time will heal us and we’ll come out on the other side even stronger than we did before.