Searching for reassurance in alternative ways

A few weeks have passed but nothing has changed. I went through another medicated cycle last month and it didn’t work again. I decided to not do anything this month, mostly because it’s the new year and I don’t feel like starting it off with numerous dr appts and last year I reached my deductible so everything was paid for and now I’ll have to start over. Ok so maybe I just want to be lazy this month, not be in baby mode and not have to worry about any of this stuff. There I said it!

I really thought last month was going to be my month. I had 2 weeks off from work which was amazing and it completely eliminated all of my stress. I stepped out of the box and I made an appt for Reiki. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Reiki it’s a technique that uses hands on healing, the person doing the Reiki on you is transferring universal energy which is supposed to be healing. If anything I’m glad that I had it done because it’s very relaxing, she played soft music and gently laid her hands on me. There were times where her hands were very warm, so warm I could feel them through my clothes, she said this was the energy flowing through her. At one point she had her hand on my chest and asked me what kind of grief I was carrying in my heart because it was so heavy. Cue the tears. I told her about my recent miscarriage and how we’ve been trying for a family for 5 years. Do I think Reiki did some good, absolutely. I think it helped me open up and allowed me to feel the pain I’ve been through this past year and it helped me to accept where I am in my journey. A week after my Reiki appt I scheduled an appt to see a spiritual reader. I’ve had readings a handful of times and I felt like I was at a point where I really  need some sort of reassurance. I’d never met with this particular girl before and I didn’t really feel like she was in tune like I’ve experienced during past readings. She did say that she saw me having two children, the first being a boy and not long after his arrival we’ll be blessed with another pregnancy and we’ll have a  very sassy pants little girl. Sure it’s nice to hear someone tell me that I’m going to be a mom but I’ve been told this before and here I am today still not a mom. I feel like I got more out of the Reiki than I did the reading and who knows maybe at some point I’ll make follow-up appointments for each but for now I’m going to go back to living one day at a time and embracing whatever happens at the end of each day.

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