It’s amazing the ups and the downs you experience when you’re going through infertility. Like seriously you can be on top of the world and within a matter of days, minutes, or even seconds it can all come crashing down on you. I was doing so good, I went and had my US on CD 2 and I was cyst free…Big Win for me! I started taking Letrozole and besides being a little moody ok maybe out of control moody I was mentally in a good spot. Then it happened Ladies…it was the end of the day on Fri I was just wrapping up a meeting at work and one of the guy’s in the meeting looks and me and says “Oh my god, are you pregnant” Damn you PCOS for making me gain weight in my middle. This isn’t the first time someone has been stupid enough to ask me this question it’s actually been asked to me a handful of times but let me tell you it doesn’t get any easier to answer, especially when you’re jacked up on hormones. My response is always the same, “Nope just fat.” I waited until I was alone in the elevator to burst into tears. What gives him the right to ask me such a personal question, I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest and there went my top of the world moment I had been feeling.
I hate PCOS for lots of reasons but one of them is because it makes me store all of my fat in my tummy and it does make me look pregnant. I’m aware of it and I’m super self-conscious of it. I try to wear clothes that are loose fitting and if I do wear something that is tighter I always wear Spanx with the hope that it will suck me in enough and slim me down. It sucks! I workout every other day and I watch what I eat but it doesn’t seem like it’s enough.
This morning I had another US (CD 12) to see how my follicles were coming along and they’ve grown to a nice healthy size so the nurse gave me the shot to trigger ovulation and I’m on the schedule for IUI tomorrow morning. It’s interesting because all of the other times I’ve done IUI it’s always been the nurse practitioner who’s done the procedure but this time it’s actually going to be my doctor who does it. Maybe changing it up will help!
So here’s to letting go of the bad and ugly from this week and embracing the good that’s about to happen!