I have a bad attitude 

My boss called me into a conference room today and took out a sheet of paper filled with notes. He apologized for everything I’ve been through (everything meaning fertility because I’ve been nothing but honest with him) and then proceeded to tell me how my bad attitude has been affecting my team, my job and the way leadership views me. He then started reading examples from his sheet of paper. Ok I get it yeah I’m totally willing to admit my attitude has sucked the last few months but cut a girl some slack, I’m literally down to the wire on conceiving if it hasn’t happened by the end of the year we’re going to gracefully walk away from it all. Realistically I’m trying to keep my shit together most days and if you feel like I have a bad attitude than I’m truly sorry. This is also coming from the guy who when I told him I was having a miscarriage gave me a lecture on suicide and told me even though I was in a dark place I shouldn’t do something I would regret or that would hurt the ones I love. If I was in a better emotional state I would have gone to HR, at the time I was just trying to make through the days without crying. Seriously though how did he ever go from miscarriage to suicide?!? Just another example that people don’t know how to react when someone brings up miscarriage and that this guy is by far the biggest d-bag ever!! So now I feel like I’m forced to put on a smile and to play nice and be all positive with the people on my team when inside I’m literally always having a one-sided conversation with my infertile self. If any of them had ever experienced a fraction of the infertility crap I’ve been through they would understand. Nope now I’m gonna have to tuck all of those negative feelings way down deep so no one sees my hurt and pain. I really hate the person infertility has made me become. 

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3 thoughts on “I have a bad attitude 

  1. I lost a job largely bc of my recurrent miscarriages. Do not feel bad. Infertility is a bitch to cope with. You’d have to be inhuman not to have it affect your work performance to some degree.

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  2. So many ((hugs)) you’re allowed to be upset about your IF issues, and you’re right, if one hasn’t gone through it- they will never understand. Also, they guy IS a D-bag. Who says stuff like that?!

    Liked by 1 person

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