When I first started this blog I thought I was going to be the best blogger ever…I was going to have all of this insightful information to share with the world and it would be an outlet for me to get all of my feelings out. In reality this blog hasn’t been any of those things for me. Each post I write makes me realize that my time trying to become a mom has almost reached its end. I’m tired…tired of  the dr appts, the meds, the timed intercourse, the mood swings. I’m tired of getting my hopes up and then having to live through the tww only to see another negative test. I’m tired of pasting on a fake smile every time I go into the clinic thinking that this time is going to be different, this is going to be the one for us.

I went in last Thurs for my IUI, I had 3 follicles. We sat in the waiting room for 35 minutes until they finally called us into a room. Seriously just throw us in an empty room so we can get down to business and leave the sample…It was annoying that they didn’t do that. We had about an hour and 15 mins to kill while the sample incubated and got washed so we went and grabbed something to eat. When we got back to the clinic we got called back right away. It took the dr all of 7 mins to do the procedure and then we were left to ourselves. 20 mins went by and the nurse stuck her head in and told us we could leave. The whole thing felt cheap….and not in the money sense! I get it people are busy but how about a 30 second conversation just to make sure that I’m feeling ok or telling us when we should start our timed intercourse or when should I start my progesterone. I didn’t leave the office in the frame of mind that I was hoping. So now here I am 4 days into my tww, the progesterone makes me feel like shit….I’m tired of feeling like shit because of the drugs. It seems like it’s a vicious cycle. I know I’ll only start to feel normal again when I stop all the meds and admit defeat. That will just bring a whole new set of issues to deal with. I guess I just don’t know where to go from here…