I sat across the desk from the RE as he paged through a ream of paper. Those papers are the last 5 years of my life. I chocked back the tears thinking about the diagnosis, surgeries and losses, now they were all sitting in front of me in a nice and neat file folder. Gosh I wish the last 5 years had been that nice and neat. To be honest I don’t know how I physically or mentally got through those years but here I am today talking to an RE about giving it one last shot and trying IVF, something I thought I would never be able to do.
We scheduled a tentative date of March 26th to start the process. Both John and I have a few follow-up things to do before we can proceed so that will give us time to get those done. Considering my age and our miscarriage history we decided to do the Preimplantation Genetic Screening (PGS). We both feel good about that decision and I know it will be money well spent. Any words of wisdom from anyone else who has gone through the screening please share your knowledge with me. The RE wanted to know if once we found out the genders if we would want to implant one vs the other. I guess I never really thought that would be an option, I guess that’s something to think about if we make it to that point. Probably a blog post for another day.
So how am I going to make it through the next few months and not worry about it everyday? Will I produce enough eggs, what if they don’t make it to 5 day, what if we do the screening and we don’t have any that come back normal, how crazy are the shots going to make me, am I strong enough to go through all of this, how in the heck will we pay for this! These are the things that have been occupying my brain since I made the appt back in Nov. I know I drive John crazy with all of my overthinking, heck I drive myself crazy with my thinking!
Things just got Real really quick!