Yesterday I started my shots…cue holy hell breakdown, is this really happening?!? I cried and not because I’m scared of the needles or the meds that are about to invade my body for the next 10 days. I cried because we’ve worked so hard to make it to this point when we never thought we’d have a chance in hell to do IVF.

John mixed the Menopur which was a little overwhelming since it was our first time but he was a champ. After he gave me the shot he kissed my belly and surprised me with a present, he told me that he has a present for me for everyday he has to give me a shot. I love this guy so much! I have so many thoughts running through my mind right now. I hate to admit it but I’m a glass half empty girl, I’ve been this way my whole life. I had an ephiany as I was coming into work this morning, we’ve worked too hard to have this fail and that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself maybe even shouting it every time I have a negative thought that enters my head. We deserve to be parents and I’m not going to let the waiting game and the statistics define what we’ve set out to accomplish for the last 6 years.

Last week I gave the clinic a payment of $10,190 and you know what I felt good about doing it. We ended up not taking out a loan because the interest rate was so high (yeah over 8%..I think not) so instead we took it out of our savings. Someone said…that’s why you have savings and there’s no better thing to use it for than this. It literally took someone else saying those words to me that made me realize savings was the way for us to go. Thankfully my insurance does have a fertility medication allowance so I only had to pay the co-pays for my meds which came to $240. That seemed like a big win for us!

I have an ultrasound scheduled for Wed morning, I’m not really anticipating anything huge to happen during that appt since it will only be the start of stim day 4. I’m expecting that as the week goes on I’m going to start getting moody because of the hormones so I’m trying to mentally prepare myself. I thought it would help by watching my carb and sugar intake this week (thank you pcos) and I’ve been going to the gym and walking on the treadmill and I’m trying to drink more water. I’m sure this is all a mind over matter thing but at least it’s something to distract me.

I wrote in my goal journal at the beginning of the year that I was going to enjoy the journey so here we are in the thick of things but yet still 3 months away from transfer. I’m going to try my hardest to take one day and one appointment at a time.