7/12: Today I took my baby home with me, not really a baby yet but that’s the hope that I have in my heart. Today is Transfer Day, a day that’s been 8 months in the works. There’s a part of me that wishes I would have done a better job documenting my journey these last 6 years. I was thinking today, I wonder how many ultrasounds I’ve had, how many times I’ve gone in for blood draws or how many shots I’ve gotten. I guess in the grand scheme those things are trivial. What isn’t trivial is the 6 years where I’ve fought every single month for a baby. I’ve had 5 surgeries, 3 miscarriages, 2 tubal pregnancies, 15 IUI’s and now 1 FET. All of this shit and I’m still persevering and I can only hope that today I kicked infertility in the ass.
My transfer was the last one of the day so we didn’t need to be to the clinic until 3:30. I walked into the clinic with zero expectations and knew in my heart that I’ve done absolutely everything I could to get me to this point. I felt at peace. I wasn’t expecting to get a framed photo of my embryo and I also wasn’t expecting to be so emotional about it. Such a kind gesture that truly meant the world to us. The procedure happened very quickly and I tried to be in the moment as much as I possibly could. Overall it was a good day and I feel very blessed to be PUPO.
7/16: It’s been 4 days since my FET and I’m not going to lie, the last 2 days have been tough. The day after my transfer John had to go out of town and he won’t be back until Tues. I miss him so much especially right now because he’s my rock and the one that talks me off the ledge when I have so many doubts in my mind. I never imagined this tww would be so lonely but holy cow….I feel like I have so much riding on this and I’m trying to stay positive but the constant swirl of thoughts running through my mind are endless. If he was here we would at least be busy but I’m home alone and there’s too much quiet in the house. I’m nervous because I don’t feel anything yet, shouldn’t I feel something by now.
My beta is scheduled for this Friday 7/21, 5 more get-ups.