Sometimes all of the money in the world doesn’t guarantee you a baby. $14k that’s what we spent on this round, we even spent the extra $2400 to ensure it was a genetically good embryo and it was. I took a HPT this morning because I’ve hated my clinic since Day 1 and I didn’t want them to be the ones to tell me one way or the other, I wanted to be mentally prepared. I took the test feeling 90% sure I was going to see a positive and when I didn’t I was in shock. Like seriously WTF are you kidding me! I showed up to the clinic for the blood draw pissed off. The waiting room is small and it was packed like most times I’m there. I had to sit next to a woman who held her 2-year-old boy on her lap. The little boy kept smiling at me, normally I would have engaged in some sort of response back but I just stared ahead cursing in my head the terrible music that was blasting overhead. It’s heartbreaking to see other women waiting to be called back, I always wonder where they are in their journey. I wish I would have the courage to just look up and give them a smile and tell them I get it but I never do. I feel embarrassed even sitting there myself, maybe they do too. No wonder infertility is such a taboo in our society even the ones that should be talking about it like myself are too embarassed to do so.
I honestly don’t know where this news will take me. I’ve said from the beginning if we didn’t end up having children I would need to make some sort of change in my life because literally trying for a family has been my life for the past 6 years. I’m not sure who I am without tracking cycles, taking meds, timing our intercourse and all of the dr appointments that go along with that. I feel like I’ve lost my identity because of infertility, I feel sad and I feel very lost.
1plus1shouldequal3 
I can definitely empathize with identifying one’s self by their infertility, and it’s definitely been we are getting used to not having any shots or taking any supplements or having any appointments at the clinic three months after our 6th try. No matter what happens next I got to say it’s been nice to get away from those habits and rediscover myself.
I’m so sorry about the negative, it’s the worst feeling in the world.
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I feel like this is the only outlet in my life where people actually understand. You girls are my comfort and for that I am forever grateful.
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Heck yeah… The blogs have definitely saved me!
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I am so sorry 😕 I just want to come hug you right now!!!
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I just wish I knew what to do next? The dr will probably want us to use donor eggs, we would want to use our own. But realistically I can’t imagine spending this kind of money again. I feel so lost and angry.
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Have you thought of taking 3 months to start a strict vitamin routine, and then trying again? I think the vitamins made ALL the difference for the quality of my
Eggs.
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I haven’t. Where would I even start with something like that? I’ve ever only taken the prenatal.
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I’ll email you!
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Oh also what is your AMH? And do you have PCOS?
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I don’t know the exact number but I know it’s good and yes on the PCOS.
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Catching up here. But I am so sorry for your sad news. My heart breaks for you.
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