So many meds

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This might actually be the very last day that I take all of these meds. Tomorrow I go in for my blood draw to see if I’m pregnant. The transfer was perfect I did everything right leading up to the day. I did acupuncture before and after transfer. I was on bed rest for two days and stayed in bed almost the whole time. I had another acupuncture appt four days after transfer because that’s what my acupuncturist recommended. This is it for me, seven years in the making has led me to this exact moment. I’m scared and I’m sad. I don’t feel anything even though I’ve googled myself pregnant every day since transfer….it’s self torture I don’t recommend it. I want to be positive but infertility has ripped that ability away from me, it’s turned me into a jealous and bitter person and I hate that part of me. I’m going in expecting the worse so when the call comes maybe the news will hurt less because it’s what I’ve known all along. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why this path was chosen for me. People tell me that I should have peace knowing I did everything that I could. I think when your heart wants something so badly nothing gives you peace.

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