Birthday Cake.

Her words will always be a part of my memory, “Every year on this day you will eat birthday cake”. That’s what the nurse told my son as she laid him on my chest and we locked eyes for the very first time. “Hello Davis, I’m your mommy” and in that very instant life changed. I tell people that being a mom is one of the easiest but yet hardest things I’ve ever done. Easy because of the love hard because of everything else. I look back on the pictures that were taken in the delivery room and they make me cry every single time. I had a planned c-section so I was prepared, my bag was packed the alarm was set and we were off to have a baby. My girlfriend who is a doula was in the room with us and I’m so grateful forĀ  her and for keeping not only me grounded but also John. She knew what moments to capture and because of her we’ll have those memories for a lifetime. There’s a lot of people in the room when you give birth and they were some of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my life. I’ve been through a lot with my Dr and it was emotional for me to be sharing this day with him because I never thought I would be given this chance. The c-section was fast and I tried to take in as much as I possibly could because I wanted to remember each moment. Surgery has always been easy for me, I think I’ve had 6 in total all fertility related. I wasn’t nervous about the procedure itself, the scar I would have or the recovery time I trusted my decision to give birth this way.

The incision was made and I felt the tugging, I didn’t like the oxygen mask over my face so they took it off and let the air cool my face almost like a fan. I gripped the anthologist’s forearm which helped with my pain, he put a cool cloth on my forehead and increased my pain meds he talked to me trying to distract me from the extra chatter that was going on in the room. The baby was long and was lodged up under my rid cage and if they didn’t use the vacuum to get him out my dr would have had to make the incision longer. More pressure and noise and then in a matter of minutes my baby was being held high above the curtain for me to see and for John to announce it was a boy.

Davis Bradford was born 3/20 weighing 8lbs 1oz and 22″ long.

It’s literally taken me six months to write this post that’s how insane life is for us right now. For the first 10 weeks Davis was colic which was miserable but I didn’t know any different so I just thought it was normal to have him scream all of the time. Two weeks before I had to go back to work a switch flipped and he turned into a different baby. Postpartum reared its ugly head in the beginning and I showed up to my dr appt in tears feeling like I would somehow be a failure of a mom if I admitted defeat and had to take an anti-depressant. For 30 minutes my dr listened to me, gave me advice and reassured me that nothing was wrong with me. He wrote me a prescription and gave me one of the biggest hugs. I’ve learned so much about myself and my relationship over these last few months, all things I’ll share at a later date because I think they’re worth talking about.

Overall life is good, I practically run out of work to pick Davis up because I miss him so much. I feel like I’ve somehow joined this exclusive club by becoming a mom and I want to high five all of the other moms I see. I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I’m proud of my mom-bod because it reminds me of the life I grew inside me and I Love Love Love nursing. I have a new found respect for my mom because she always made being a mom look easy and you know what it’s far from easy so if I can be half as amazing as she is I’m going to be a pretty epic mom!